Guest Story by Monique
I felt ugly and not beautiful for most of my childhood I just was not very pretty or so I was told by my family. I would hear stories about how I was so dark as a baby and had huge eyes and my mother would say how weird I looked as a baby.
I would hear things about how my sisters hair was so pretty cause mine was coarse and would not grow, I was just your ordinary black as charcoal girl.
No boys ever liked me or even noticed that I existed, until I got older and started to develope and then a whole new world came about I was sexy, I was told my men(boys) and I started to feel better about myself until I realized I was just the same old black as tar girl but now, I was someone men wanted to sleep with not marry.
This all came to an head when I met my sons father at twenty, by this time I was comfortable with my new sexy title even though it was just relegating me to an object, but it was better than not being noticed at all. He came along and I loved him and he said he loved me, but I never met his family because he would tell me how they had issues with him dating dark skinned girls.
His family was from Louisiana and they thought he should be with someone who was light skinned, so we dated for two years and I never met any of them. I was comfortable being his hidden love; as long as I was loved. Then I got pregnant he was happy, but even then I did not meet his family until I was eight months. I remember the first day I met his mom and grandmother they looked at me like I was an alien and barely said two words to me. Even though this happened we stayed together for many years.
He would tell me the stuff his family would say like me and him shouldn’t be together cause I needed to stay with my kind and he shoud stay with his. I remember being pregnant and wishing my son didn’t come out dark skinned. I wished for that, its hard to admitt it now but its true, I thought people would accept my baby if he was not dark skinned.
It was the most painful time for me cause, I had to face the facts of my color and look back over all my life and say that I had accepted being treated this way from family and people who were suppose to love me, cause I didn’t love me. I am now 31 years old and of course my son’s father and I didn’t make it and its taken all of these years for me to say No more, to accept my skin and my hair and me in totality. Even if I don’t get any validation from others I have grown to a place were I can validate myself.
I love my natural hair, I love my skin and I love my mind and I don’t make any apologize for that anymore. I am just so pleased that this movie is being made given little girls like me a voice that we would not other wise have, given us all a chance to acknowledge that this happened and is still happening. I keep hearing many people talk about problem as a preference and not really even a issue.
I read a post where someone quoted King’s speech” Its not the color of your skin but the content of your character” everyone jumps, screams and amens when that is in reference to how whites judged blacks because of the color of thier skin, but when it comes to blacks judging other blacks, then no one notices the preference that people keep pushing and talking about today is the same thing, judging someone based on the color of there skin and thats no preference to me.
The Dark Girls Movie- Rise Women Rise Campaign seeks to share their stories of healing, empowerment, and triumph. We know this issue goes beyond the United States and Black people. This is for ALL women from around the world. If you have a written story or video, please submit here.