Rise Women Rise: Barbara

Guest Story by Barbara

As a 58 year old dark skinned African American woman, I have always felt the discrimination, dislike, distane, humiliation, rejection and isolation in all of my 58 years. Although I have achieved a level of success in my life, I am well aware that the reasons I’m still a single black female, is due to not only my skin color, but also because, I don’t possess the “European features” that most men desire. There is also a strong level of dislike within the African American communities. The level of violence is a symptom of self-hatred.

At an early age, I was always called the most derogatory terms any child should endure. My mother was shades lighter then me and even though I know my Mom loved me, I even heard it from her lips that I was “Black and Ugly”! This dislike for the darker complexed society has also crept in to the church. I am also a born-again Christian and have experienced some of the most disapproval from those who are suppose to portrait the true Love of God and Love unconditionally, only to experience that the church which is suppose to be a refuge for many hurting people, would turn out to be just the opposite of what God would expect from those who call God their own.

Dating is very unlikely for me and most of my brown skinned friends and marriage seems out of the question. I ended a freindship with a very good person because when we would go out she would always get the attention from black men although she was a Puerto-Rican woman and they would not give me the time of day. I know there are many factors in communicating with people and being attractive enough for any attention, but I know for a fact that most black men prefer the light skinned women over the darker women. I have a sister who is the lightest in the family and she is never without a date. Where as if I get even a look from a black man it is usually always never.

As a matter of fact I have had caucasian men trying to get with me, and I have absoulutely no interest in the other culture. Years ago, I wanted to write abook about my experiences, but have never set down and put the thoughts to pen. Thanks Mr. Duke for bringing this subject to the forefront and I will donate towards the movie being produced. One last stereotype that I think even I had about us dark girls is that we seemed to be the most vocal, rowdy, loud and angry. I thought that too, but there are some of us dark girls who speak with a soft voice, we are not loud, don’t curse, not rowdy and we are educated and we take care, nurture and love our black families and men.


The Dark Girls Movie- Rise  Women Rise Campaign seeks to share their stories of healing, empowerment, and triumph. We know this issue goes beyond the United States and Black people. This is for ALL women from around the world. If you have a written story or video, please submit here.

This entry was posted in Rise Women Rise. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Rise Women Rise: Barbara

  1. SheShe says:

    You don’t have a date because?! I am a dark skinned woman and I happen to be single but I would never blame that on the color of my skin. WOW its all in your head and you parents should have been telling you how beautiful you truly are and beauty resinates from the inside out. That’s truth! Be happy about being you and the man will come! Men since insecurity and that’s a very ugly feature.

  2. Piper Davenport says:

    As a fat, lighter-skinned black woman, I can relate. Whenever I go out, I almost never get asked out and I believe it is because of my weight. I’ve been told many times that I have a “pretty face” but I just wanted to let you know that black men are just as much hung up on a woman’s weight as they are on her skin tone. I’ve seen gorgeous black women that are still single because they are dark, and average-looking light-skin black women with oodles of men. Nowadays, whereas I’m now seeing dark-skinned women appreciated, I haven’t seen it for fat, black women. There are exceptions but I’m beginning to wonder if I’m going to be single forever.

  3. Lola says:

    Date the white men. They are men. And if there is man on the earth who is willing and able to accept and love you just the way you are – you have no business shutting that door. The only difference between you and their culture is in your head. You deserve to date and to be married. If that happens to be with a white man, do it. Don’t sell yourself short. If a white man is the one God has chosen for you, cultural differerences will bless your relationship, not hinder it. Trust me, I know.

    • Nicole says:

      It should not matter if the men interested in you are white. You should not limit yourself, and you might be missing out on a wonderful man. My husband is white, and when I met him we really clicked. I had not clicked with a black man like that my entire life, and I fell in love with him. He took very good care of me, and really invested time. He cared about my interests, and did not continually tell me that I did not talk black enough or dress black like I had been told by the black men I previously dated. I was able to fully be myself and express myself with out judgement. We got married, we have a son together, I am happy, and I could care less about his color or what anyone has to say about it. Don’t limit yourself, and potential happiness.

  4. Rodney W. Smith says:

    Just found out about the film and I was touched by your post. I wanted to let you know that I am dark skinned, and I am in love with a beautiful dark skinned woman. We got married years ago, and I am still crazy about her. We have a lovely child that is beautiful and silly. I love her skin, her nose, her amazing hair, her sexy eyes and her indefatigable brain. What I love most about my dark skinned wife is, you guessed it, her silliness.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *